hollerboard.com

true that baron!
if she can handle something that huge she handle handle anything!

Herr Doctor I believe we need to do more research on the subject.
Where abouts can we find a breeding stable is the question

New Jersey




























nah, im lyin'

backstory is needed for some proper context...

I knew a dude that once had a summer job jacking off dudes

in porno industry?

most hetero porn actors are actually creeps who get opff on weird shit.

I always suspected something was up with those guys.

Man family reunions are awkward

yr uncle was a creep....i wish you never left me alone with him in the basment.

There's isn't much of a backstory. I have known her for like two years, she's had a boyfriend ever since. I had a crush on her, until one of her friends let the secret out and then and she had to explain. She said she needed the extra cash, so she worked at a horse breeders jacking off horses, so that the sperm could be sold. I didn't want to ask the details. After that and a combination of other things I lost interest.

I have a friend who breeds pedigree Aberdeen Angus Cattle. He treats the beasts well and is used to being around large animals so it was little surprise when we hit a local rural club a few weeks ago that he should gravitate towards some quite portly women. We leave him to do his thing and let the romance happen, our boy has shovel like exema covered paws and stutters quite alot and with his balding pate it is not often he attracts a no-tail. He heads back to this girls place along with one of our mates who is on leave from the air force and the portly girls similarly chubby sister - good for them. My pal, let's call him Angus for the purpose of this report, drinks and parties and passes out whilst the serviceman services the chubby sister. The Portly sister, who when i say portly, is infact gargartuan; is clearly a bit put out. Angus is lieing face up on the sofa sleeping it off but he begins to splutter and finds his breathing is impaired. He can feel his head being pushed back intermitantly and his mouth and nose feel smothered. He tries to come to but his vision is impaired. He is beginning to suffocate. Again he attempts to gasp for air but it is to no avail. An asthema attack? He panics and throws his arms up violently and convulses with a tectonic jolt. He realises the beheamoth sister is astride his face, pantiless and moist. She has been rubbing herself against his comatose visage, constricting his breathing in a vaguely morbib sado-masochistic case of face rape. Angus throws her off him and she lands on the coffee table flipping it 360 degrees in the air as it lands atop her. He make a sharp exit and laments his experience imparting the tale to us the next week in what can only be described as an absolute dealbreaker.

Bump for this story.....Definately doing it right.

For your amusement, I hereby present "TOWELS".
I had to dig this one up from another board back in November. Still worth sharing.

I met this girl at the bar a few months back. She tracked me down on Harvard Connection and we start talking. Recently she starts following me out to shows. Maybe 3 or 4. We're at 56 and she says "there is this creepy guy here who recognized me from The Fax". So immediately my guard is up and I know this won't be going anywhere but I still enjoyed her company and all so I didn't make a huge deal out of her being a stripper.

Well one night I get bored and she happens to be online. I send a quick message saying "hey, lets grab a bite and a drink" and we meet up for a meal and some wine. Time passes and she says she wants to come back to my place to watch a movie. Seems innocent enough to me so I go along with it. 2 bottles of wine in, no less.

Back at my place, the conversation sort of goes like this:
her: you think that bar across the street is still open? (its about 11:30 at this point)
me: probably. you want to grab another quick drink?
her: not really....
me: you want to listen to some blues? thats pretty much what the Rainbow is...live blues/rock.
her: not really, no.....
me: well whats the deal?
her: (nervous) this is sort of silly but I have to use the bathroom.

OK...lets stop here. Had she not made a big deal of it, I wouldn't have cared. If she just came right out and said "Oh babe, I gotta take a dump" I would have laughed and told her to let 'er rip. I laugh it off with a chuckle to sort of ease the tension -

me: no need to feel silly, its all good. bathroom is at the top of the stairs, I will just run downstairs and check my Harvard Connection. and trust me, if you gotta go, you gotta go. but you'd probably be better off going here than at the friggin Rainbow of all places.

I run downstairs, she jumps into the bathroom. I hear the tap running. Classic chick move, right? Like, ohhh, her hands are gonna smell nice after washing them for 12 minutes straight.

This is where things get interesting. She calls out the first time.
her: "Do you have any spray??"

(fuck, here we go)

me: "there is a scented candle in there, I am sliding some matches under the door for you right now. Just light that."

she calls out a second time.

her: "I think I need the spray! Do you have any spray??"
me: "Its down here, I am bringing it up now and will leave it just outside the door for you"

she calls out a third time.
her: "DO YOU HAVE ANY TOWELS?"
me: "........................there should be toilet paper in there. If you don't see it, check under the sink!"
her: "No, you don't understand, I want to take a quick shower to wash my bum!"

ok.....here is what sort of goes through my head:
1) I sort of just met this girl - what the hell is going on here?
2) Thats a bit presumptuous of her to think that I'd be going anywhere close to her anus tonight. Cos I'm not.
3) What the FUCK kind of explosive bowel movement did she just have that she has to take a fucking shower after? Is she spraying and splashing shit all on the underside of my toilet seat or what??

Cherry on top was that we were watching Kenny vs Spenny (her choice). We hit Play All and they were just running through....when she came out, it just happened to be on "Who Can Blow The Biggest Fart?". She wasn't laughing much...

True story.
Towels.

And then from there I could say this shit was cut real bad leading to the subsequent requests.

Hahahaha. Towels.

the guy who wrote this is beyond a loser. a girl has to shit? so what? people shit! and then she does the cool thing and cleans her girl area and this fuck wad thinks it's a bad thing? I'm actually mad.

wait. face rape should never be a dealbreaker. dude needs to buck up. ain't a damn girl here that doesn't let a dude turn her around so he can yell at her. it's a fair trade.

cans of can't

disliking pixar movies.

which date night movie did you get dissed on bro

ill just give up on ever being with you Todd.
We coulda had magic together.

BUMP

Can you bump without adding to the conversation? Sounds like yer leading us on.

Not being funny
Not liking rap

My only two solid rules.

disliking Patsy Cline.

Loving Girls (tv show)